Are Other Doulas Really Supportive? (Let’s Talk About It…)

One of the most common worries that comes up on our doula courses is this:

“Will the other doulas in my area see me as competition?”
“What if they’re a bit off with me?”
“What if I reach out and just get ignored?”

And honestly? I get it.

Because in most industries, that is how it works, isn’t it?

Keep your cards close to your chest.
Don’t share too much.
Everyone’s quietly competing.

But here’s the truth about doulas…

It’s just not like that.

The Reality of the Doula World

I’ve been doing this since 2009, and I can tell you hand on heart -the vast majority of doulas are not sitting there guarding their territory or feeling threatened by someone new.

They actually want connection.

Of course, like in any industry, there are the odd few who might feel a bit…well let’s say “prickly”. But in my experience, that usually says far more about their own insecurities than anything else.

Because most doulas?

They want:

Community
Support
Someone who gets it

This work can be incredible, but it can also feel intense at times - and having other doulas around you makes a huge difference.

A Real Story From a Recent Course

This came up again on a recent doula course.
Two people shared that they were really worried about reaching out to doulas in their local area. They'd built it up in their heads - telling themselves stories about being unwelcome, ignored, or seen as competition.
But they both did the brave thing anyway (with a gentle shove from yours truly)
One joined her local birth workers WhatsApp group… And the doula who welcomed her said:
"Right, this is a great excuse to organise a doula get-together - I've been meaning to do that for ages."

The other reached out to several doulas in her area… she'd been telling herself they were super scary and wouldn't like her.
Two of them responded straight away saying they'd love to meet for a coffee. Lovely!

Now, I want to be honest with you here, because I think it actually makes the point better - a couple didn't respond at all, and one came back with a pretty flat "no thanks." Just what she’d felt nervous about.
BUT you know what? That's okay. Because that's real life.
But here's what I want you to notice - she got warmth from the people who had it to give. The ones who didn't respond, or who weren't welcoming? That says far more about where they're at than anything about her. A doula who feels secure in her own practice doesn't feel threatened by someone new finding their feet. The coldness, when it shows up, is almost always someone else's insecurity wearing a unfriendly hat.

So, whilst I'm not suggesting all doulas across the land are besties dancing into the sunset together, many are - and you will find your people if you put yourself out there.

“But what if there isn’t a lovely local doula cuddle where I am?”

Well Janice, you can bloody well set one up then, can’t you!

A couple of years ago I had someone on a course who did exactly that, she didn’t know any of the local doulas, so she joined the community WhatsApp and promptly invited them all to hers for a coffee morning. She met lot’s of her local birth-workers all on one day. Voila! Job done!

My Own Experience: Building a Doula Community in Bournemouth

When I first started as a doula, there wasn’t really a community where I lived in Bournemouth, I was “Billy-No-Mates” for a while! And honestly? I bloody hated it.

But then, gradually, over the years, new doulas started to appear…

And I was so excited.

I didn’t sit back wondering if they’d see me as competition - I was the one emailing them first!

“Do you fancy meeting for a coffee?”

Over time, those little connections grew into something really special - a genuinely supportive, collaborative doula community which grew and grew. We even created a shared website directory for our whole county, to help people find us more easily and we would (and still do) meet regularly, share jobs and support one another.

And here’s the thing…

We’re all different.

Different personalities
Different experience levels
Different availability
Different ways of working

And that’s exactly how it should be.

Because choosing a doula isn’t about who lives closest or who’s been doing it the longest.

It’s about the click. It’s about finding the right doula.

Sharing the Work (and Supporting Others)

Once I’d become established, I was getting way more enquiries than I could ever take on. And I never just ignored them - I always replied to each one personally, with links to my fellow doulas in the area.

Why? Because it’s not a competition.
It’s a community.
And supporting other doulas doesn’t take away from your own work, quite the contrary - it makes the whole ecosystem stronger.

Why Having a Doula Community Changes Everything

When you have a strong network of other doulas around you, this work becomes SO MUCH BETTER.

You’re not doing it alone.

You have:

People you can call on for back-up
Flexibility when life happens (because it does!)
The option to share care with another doula
Space to take time off without everything falling apart

I’ve seen so many doulas within our Nurturing Birth community create beautiful shared-care partnerships.

They:

Split the on-call time
Support each other
Sometimes even take on more clients together than they could alone

And it works brilliantly.

This is something we cover during our doula courses - how to build a way of working that actually supports your life, not drains it.

More Doulas = More Awareness (and That’s a Good Thing!)

Another thing people worry about is:

“If there are already doulas in my area… is there space for me?”

Hell yes Janice! There really is!

Because the more doulas there are, the more awareness grows.

More people begin to understand what doulas do.
More families start actively seeking out that support.
More conversations happen around birth and postnatal care.

Don’t think of it as competition, see it as every doula shining their light helping families to find support. The more of us there are, the brighter the whole community gets!

If This Is a Story You’re Telling Yourself…

If you’re sitting there thinking:

“I don’t know… what if it’s different where I live?”

Just gently ask yourself…

Is that a fact?
Or is it a story?

Because so often, the fear of reaching out is far worse than the reality.

And on the other side of that one message, that one introduction, that one “shall we grab a coffee?”…

There could be a whole network of support waiting for you.

Thinking About Becoming a Doula?

This is exactly the kind of thing we explore on our courses at Nurturing Birth.

Not just how to be a doula - but how to build a way of working that feels supported, sustainable, and actually fits your life.

Because you’re not meant to do this alone.

P.S. Just so you know, any mention of a doula called Janice in this post is purely fictional. I have never actually met a doula called Janice (though if you are out there, hi!). This is one of those “for storytelling purposes only” situations, like the disclaimers in films - no real Janice’s were confused, threatened, or ignored in the making of this story. 😄